It’s usually not about how long or recent a loss is but about the depth of the relationship which becomes lost and the resulting pain from the loss.
Any bereavement stings bad and hurts so deep. Different emotions come to the fore. Pain, agony, sadness, hate, guilt, rejection, abandonment, self blame, and so much more.
First to deal with is the shock of the loss or the news of it. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows how painful this can be. It pains more if the bereaved has not been physically present with the loved one at the time of loss. It becomes a bit harder to deal with if the first knowledge of the loss comes via a shocking news. This is double whammy. Silence, agonising pain, guilt, blame, and momentary denial feature very powerfully at this time.
Supporting friends and relatives can help meaningfully by just maintaining same level of silence as the bereaved maintains; with some sensitive and meaningful mindfulness at this time around the bereaved.
So how can recovery and “seeming return” to normalcy be achieved after the loss of a loved one?
I say “seeming return” because it may never be a complete return to normal life as the bereaved knew it.
Life without the departed loved one begins a new life chapter.
Parting with a relationship which has been nurtured over a lifetime causes more pain, beyond words, so giving ourselves the time and space to heal is paramount. Time is the ante-dote to the stings of bereavement and the pain killer for the ensuing pain of a loss.
It helps to allow memories of our loved ones to flow into our hearts freely, unhindered, anytime and every time. Not suppressing or blocking the cherished memories of our loved ones forms a renewed healthy bonding with a new life with them on the other side of eternity. These soon become part of our everyday life affording us so much degree of normalcy and making continuing life without the loved one easier.
A habit of saying some blessings over their memories reinforces that they are not banished from us, but are just relocated.
May those of us who have recently lost any loved ones be comforted knowing that they’re not too far away but continue to live in our hearts.
Yours truly
Annie
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